'No matter what I do, I owe them more': 31-year-old man refuses to let his family borrow his girlfriend's car while she’s on vacation, despite being guilt-tripped over living at home, not contributing financially, and not driving around unlicensed brother

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Oct 17, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Adult life can be difficult as it is, and because of this, it takes some people longer to 'get their lives together' than others. However, being a 31-year-old who still lives at home and is unable to financially contribute to his family already makes him feel bad enough, he doesn't need the constant reminder from his parents, too. Maybe he isn't currently contributing financially, but there are other ways to contribute that don't involve Benjamin Franklins…yet, he still feels like nothing he does is enough…it seems as though he may need some tough love, but it just struggling to receive it! 

When his girlfriend goes out of town and lends out her car to him for work commutes, he is ecstatic, 'finally some freedom,'...or so he thought. But when his family discovers her generous offer, they want a piece of the car for themselves, or better yet…have him drive his unlicensed brother around for them! He doesn't feel comfortable lending out her car without permission, and doesn't think he's entitled to do so either. So when he refuses, his family pulls out all the guilt-trip cards, in hopes it will get him to miraculously change his mind!

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  • It sounds to us that this man may be feeling a little bit sorry for himself. We’re not saying he’s not trying, however, if he wishes to be independent and not owe anything to his parents, he may have to stop relying on them first. It may be out of his comfort zone, but part of growing up (whether it be at thirty-one) is about taking risks and learning to support yourself so that you are reliant on anyone else, that way, you are able to make your own rules!

  • 01
    Man texting in the car
    via southworks

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITA for not wanting my parents or brother to use my girlfriend’s car while she’s away?

    Sorry for the wall of text, but I want to explain the full context. My girlfriend(31F) went on vacation for a week and left me her car so I(33M) could get to work.
    via justinx1337
  • 03
    I still live with my parents and don't have my own car right now, but she trusted me with hers since she knows I'd be responsible with it.
    via justinx1337
  • 04
    Here's where the problem starts: my dad already asked if my mom can use my girlfriend's car to drive my brother to work.
    via justinx1337
  • 05
    My brother is 31, doesn't have a license, and makes more money than me, my dad, and my girlfriend.
    via justinx1337
  • 06
    For context | wasn't working for a while, so I hadn't been contributing financially at home.
    via justinx1337
  • 07
    I was in school for 2 years, and before that I wasn't working due to some mental health issues and finding a job was difficult.
    via justinx1337
  • 08
    My brother was giving my parents money each month, but sometimes he'd hold it back or skip gas money if he was mad that I wasn't paying.
    via justinx1337
  • 09
    I've been trying to make up for it by helping out doing drives, errands, basically saying yes whenever they need something, just to show I'm pulling my weight.
    via justinx1337
  • 10
    I know I shouldn't be reliant on them at my age, trust me the embarrasment alone is tolling on me everyday, and I'm actively trying to work on it.
    via justinx1337
  • 11
    But the problem is they guilt trip me into doing things. If I say no or even hesitate, it turns into comments about how I wasn't contributing before, or how my brother has been helping more financially.
    via justinx1337
  • 12
    And if I bring it up, they get upset and act like I'm being ungrateful or difficult.
    via justinx1337
  • 13
    It feels like no matter what I do, I owe them more. Last night, I needed a ride to pick up my girlfriend's car before taking her to the airport.
    via justinx1337
  • 14
    Man holding his neck whilst talking to his girlfriend in the car
    via southworks

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    My parents said it was too far, so they drove me to the train station instead.
    via justinx1337
  • 16
    I took the train, thanked them for driving me, my girlfriend picked me up, I got her car, took her to the airport early this morning, and came back home.
    via justinx1337
  • 17
    I wanted to just relax for a bit after all that, but as soon as I got home, my parents asked me to go pick up my brother.
    via justinx1337
  • 18
    I used their car, not hers, but it just annoyed me because I'd been running around nonstop.
    via justinx1337
  • 19
    Then later, my dad brought up maybe my mom could use my girlfriend's car to drive my brother to work.
    via justinx1337
  • 20
    I told him that's not right and it's not my car to lend out. My girlfriend gave it to me to get to work, not as a spare family vehicle.
    via justinx1337
  • 21
    He said he "understands," but then added "it depends on the situation," which basically means I'll still be guilted into saying yes if they want to use it.
    via justinx1337
  • 22
    It's frustrating because I'm finally working again and trying to rebuild stability and move out, and the first day I have access to this car, it's already being pulled into catering for to everyone else.
    via justinx1337
  • 23
    My brother's 30 and doesn't even drive that shouldn't keep falling on me. Plus, if anything happens to my girlfriend's car, I'm the one who's responsible, not them.
    via justinx1337
  • 24
    So, AITA for refusing to let my family use my girlfriend's car and for being frustrated about always being guilt-tripped into driving my brother around?
    via justinx1337
  • 25
    Senior woman holding up car keys with a smile
    via gettyimages6

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 26
    rotchair2025 NTA. Its not YOUR car. Its not THEIR car. If they get into an accident, guess who gets screwed? Your GF. They need to get over themselves.
    via rotchair2025
  • 27
    Virtual_Action_8606 Sweet pea. Just say no Ok? Just: no. He chooses not to drive or buy a car. That's everybody's problem but his? No. Complete sentence.
    via Virtual_Action_8606
  • 28
    Ilmcr NTA. You are correct. This is her car, not yours, so you cannot lend it out. It is natural for you to be frustrated by their attempts to manipulate you, but you need to hold on to what you know is right. It
    via Ilmcr
  • 29
    sounds like they are the type of people who will want what they want, no matter what you say. So there is no reasoning with them. Just action - keep her keys close to you at all times.
    via Ilmcr
  • 30
    wowgamertbc NTA! It's not actually your car to decide to let anyone use it. Your gf let you use it while she's away, not let your family use it while she's away. Tell your brother to get his own car and license he can afford it..
    via wowgamertbc

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expectations living at home responsible brother car airport comparison contribution driving parenting girlfriend financial Travel family lift license pressures borrowing
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